Number Plates
I’ve never really understood why people pay good money for personalized number plates, possibly because I’m not into cars, but probably because I haven’t got any money to buy one. However, if I was going to buy one, I would at least hold out for a ‘proper’ one. Sadly, I seem to be in a minority.
Yesterday I saw a car with the number plate “79B”. What’s that all about? You’re 79 and your name’s Brian? You’re very fat with a relatively small cup size? It means nothing! Why waste your money? Fair enough, if you’re a curvaceous young lady, buy the number plate “34DD”. But, if you’re only buying it to impress your friends, you might be better off just showing them your tits.
I once knew a bloke who had a car with the number plate “M1″. I admit that it did look distinctive, but his name was James G*****. To me this just suggested that he was either severely dyslexic or had just nicked the car.
It gets worse; you see ‘personalized’ number plates like “N992 MTR”. The only reason you even think it might be ‘personalized’ is because the car is patently new. When you ask about the plate (though God knows why you would), the owner proudly explanations that his name is Norman, he got married in 1999 to his wife Marie in a Church on Tottenham Road, Godalming.
I’m sorry, but that’s not a personalised number plate, it’s a short story - if it’s anything at all
What’s more bizarre is that people buy and sell these things. If you go to the DVLA website you see exciting number plates like: “S2 LAA”! What the f*ck does that mean? Your name’s Stoolar? And what about “K999 ETH”? You have a dog, who’s 99 in dog years and answers to the name of “Eth”? You have 3 dogs called Eric, Terrance and Harold? You’re myopic, have a bad stutter and are called Beth, or Geth, or Deth?
What confuses me the most are those plate’s where you’re supposed to read the number as a letter. I can understand the obvious ones like “M1KE”, which is clearly a car owned by a bloke called Mike who has more money than sense and an ego problem. It’s ones like, “BI6 YOU” that confuse me. I saw this on a stretched Limo and I read it as “Bi-Six-you”. I asked my wife why would a company want to intimate that its clients are “Bisexual”? She replied that it was supposed to be read as “Big You”. To which I asked, why would a company want to intimate that its clients are fat? Had the plate “L4RD AR5E” already been taken?
Then they have ones that do seem to say something, but it doesn’t actually mean anything. For example, this same website is offering “WHO5 AYS”. Ok, even I can see that is says “Who Says”, but why would you want to have that written on your car? If you want to say something meaningless, then save some money and just stick a sheet of A4 in your back window with the words “Rubber Budgie” written on it.
If you are one of these odd fish that really does have his, or her, heart set on a personalized plate, save some money and just change your name by deed poll to “KA51 TWX”. Or save even more cash and just make up a story to explain the number plate your car came with. If it is “KA5I TWX” then tell everyone that, if you were a girl, your mum was going to call you Kate, as it was you were a boy, so she called you Anton, one day you’ll be 51 and you once stopped off in Tunbridge Wells to by a Xylophone.
You could even write this explanation down and stick it in your back window, and to make a real statement add the words “Rubber Budgie” underneath. Alternatively, you could always be really radical and ‘6ET A L1FE’.
